There's this trope (often cloaked in misogyny) of a woman who is "not like the other girls". She has a self-assured, unconventional sort of beauty - yet not so much that she appears unobtainable to the average guy. She likes stereotypically masculine things like beer, sports and video games, laughs at inappropriate and crass humour, which is dichotomized by her sophistication and social grace, capturing the awe of all whom she meets. In the media, the immediate association we make is to the "cool girl" trope first referenced in Gillian Flynn's "Gone Girl".
But what is often not discussed is the guy who is "not-like-the-others". He exists too, and in practice, just as prevalent (if not more) as the "cool girl". However, he manages to escape the critical eye, as society tends to revere these types of men, a foil to the typical "guy's guy".
On the surface, he sells himself as the following. He is sophisticated, well-dressed, intelligent, handsome, a feminist, a Prince-Charming-in-shining-armour-riding-in-on-a-horse kind of deal, the kind of male lead in fiction that was written by a woman. He's kind and mature and in touch with his emotions - he'll treat you well, romance you, open your car door, pull out your seat at a fancy restaurant, compose you a song or poem (by candlelight, no less) that rivals the best works of Beethoven or Keats. He's cool and has cool hobbies, gets along with your friends and your mom loves him too. He'll treat you so well that you'll forget about all the trauma that the other guys imparted on you when they never cared to ask you about your day or forgot your anniversary. He's "not like the other guys" because he's the antidote to all the pain points that women are constantly bombarded with when dating men - a "good guy" in the sea of men looking to smash and dash. He'll hand you his world on a silver platter, and make yours the centre of his. That is, of course, only if you fulfill every specific parameter to his desire and liking.
The "not-like-the-others" guy boasts of his ability to change your life, and dangles a Hallmark fairy tale love story just within reach. But what he doesn't tell you is that this experience is not for you, and it's your fault for thinking that it is. After all, he needs a Hallmark lead woman to pair with his leading man character, or his fantasy of the "cool girl" in whichever form that exists in his dreams. His carefully curated personality is a signal only to his perfect Hallmark counterpart, serving as a not-so-subtle "pick me", or an ostentatious mating ritual complete with brightly-coloured feathers and a puffed-out chest. So what happens when he is met with women who don't fit this criteria? She simply doesn't exist to him, nor does her feelings, needs or entitlements. So don't be surprised or disappointed when he decides that you don't deserve to be treated with the dignity or humanity that he proudly characterizes of himself when he determines that you're not the one.
He doesn't feel bad per-se about how he treats women who aren't of his liking. In fact, he knows how he treats them and is all too aware of it. At times, when it is apparent to him that he's hurt someone, he feels bad - not for her, but for himself - that for a moment she put a mirror up to himself and he sees that this carefully crafted "kind, virtuous, not-like-the-others" personality is as authentic as the movies he models it after. For a moment, he is unremarkably just like the other guys.
To all those who have had the misfortune of dealing with a "not-like-the-others" guy (I've encountered quite a few in my lifetime, in various forms), do not fret. Simply walk away knowing that you are enough to yourself and to the right person. You don't need to be a Hallmark leading woman any more than you need to be with a Hallmark leading man. You deserve someone with flaws, who is open and honest about them and capable of working through them, no matter how difficult. You deserve someone with depth, who has encountered hardships and has come out on the other side with the wisdom to be understanding, patient and truly kind. Because that is who you are, and you deserve someone like you.